Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
