are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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