If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
