having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
