just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
