Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
