I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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