You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
