My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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