he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a search helicopter?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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