i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
