I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
