He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
