can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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