An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
