We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You pole danced in your parka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
