I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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