please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
