I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
