i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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