Kiss
Puke
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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