Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
