I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
