Your mouth is God's brothel.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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