so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
