dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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