lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
