he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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