Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
