Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
