So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
