hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
