I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
