remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
