Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
