i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
