I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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