My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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