When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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