he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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