Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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