We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have aggressive nipples.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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