I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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