i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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