did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
