First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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