I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
