non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
