Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
