I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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