I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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