Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
